Here’s my story which has really impacted me to my deepest core of studying 14 hours everyday !
since childhood i was a very studious kind of a student , always lecturing other students about hardwork and studying , always sticking to doing homework and listening to teachers ! very punctual and honest as a child. I legit , never went to school picnics from my 1st grade till my 10th grade. always had a reputation of a topper and a studious child ! every teacher ( school and coaching) believed in me to TOP my Boards 10TH standard exams , atleast from mumbai ! every body had high hopes ! i always answered to the best of my ability and motivated others to study hard.
The day my life changed to it’s worst side , it was 13th june 2017 , when my boards results were out at 1 pm! i was tensed but confident. Results flashed the screen……….88.20% ! are you kidding me ? i was in complete shock ! i was expecting 90 % and above and i stuck at 88.20!? The world crumbled for me ! i started crying and cried the entire day , my parents never congratulated me, nor i could face them straight towards face ! i threw my phone away and i wanted to die , my hopes and confidence all faded , my coaching called me but i was really afraid to face them , i never contacted my teacher who messaged me about my results , I was ashamed of myself and my life crumbled ! Maybe you guys would be like , “ its not a big deal “ but honestly for me it was the biggest thing ! my life and my confidence all came down , i was depressed , i didn’t talk with anyone. All my topper friends , started to ignore me , i was left all alone ! Ashamed to tell people my percentage ! struggled with this for a while and then came back to normal .
I realized really late in my life how this result actually affected my self esteem and my beliefs ! i started bunking classes and coaching test , i was already scoring really bad at them and I was no more interested to feel further humiliated ! i made up a excuse that i couldn’t study well because of allergies and used it for the rest of my 11th and 12th standard ! i started skipping classes and missed almost 80% of NCERT portion. I started having fun and going out with friends , started social networking and indulged myself in a lot of porn ! i just started to hate studies ! i just couldn’t face my bad results anymore ! i became the person i never wanted to be, a person who always studied hard and indulged in a lot of positivity and hardwork was dead , there was this new person , the worst person who always wanted to improve but got too lazy to work , who made excuses but believed it for himself , who always skipped progress and chose comfort , who made study plans but never followed them ! who always failed at overcoming the lazy self ! i was the worst me ever ! and the worst thing i ever did was I lied to myself . i started hating my life , my future seemed dead ! i was no more that positive person , i spread negativity and sadness , i failed in my own eyes and most importantly in my mother’s
February 2018 ! i fell into worse depressions of my life ! had to take therapy sessions and a week off. i was in my worst phase of my life , i wanted to die ! i missed 82% of my 11th NCERT portion from my coaching , i completely lost all my hope! started my 12th standard really badly ! couldn’t understand any thing taught in class . again started to skip classes and tests ! again faced depressions ! i always made a self improvement plans but always failed at them ! read thousands of self help books , but all in vain ! i started losing all my hope to crack IIT JEE !
Life was going , i was getting tensed and worse mentally day by day ! I vividly remember the day when things took a turn for me again- 22nd august 2018. When my mom asked me in the most humble tone - “beta , tu mala buddhu tar nahi banvat aahe nah ? Tuhja abhyas hot aahe nah ?”( Son , you are not lying to me nah ? About your studies ). All this time i was lying to her about my classes , about my results ! I was giving her false expectations that I'm going to be alright!
i was hit by my own made up false reality that i was living ! I never was this struck before, the crumbling life just got a ray of hope. i was living my life on lies , but that day i decided to live it on my truth.
In all this time being one i realized was , how much i was trying to find answers to my problems in these books ! these books knew nothing about me , so they could never help me ! those hours i wasted in motivation content never helped me . Why i realized these things so late in my life that Motivation comes from inside!
no body can ignite something that only you can ignite , i.e. your desire to work !
I realized that how a minor setback killed a person who was once a topper , who was once know as the intelligent child ! i forgot my achievements and abilities due to a RESULT ? i killed my mother’s hope for a RESULT ?
Today , i am studying 14 hours a day , on my own , left my coaching classes. completely focused on cracking JEE now ! and you wanna know how i got this focus and dedication ? no yaar ! i cannot help you guys with that , cause these things only come from inside ! nobody can make you study or dedicate you towards studying !
you get this things from yourself , just take a look at yourself and ask yourself
“WHY YOU WANT TO STUDY?”
Here’s a BONUS ! you will get the right answer to this question when you will say “I WANT TO STUDY” instead of “I HAVE TO STUDY”
the day you find that answer of yours , no one can stop you
be unstoppable , be blessed ! <3
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